I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
