it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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