Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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