Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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