i love accidental penises.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize