this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my vag is so smooth its legendary
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize