i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
