I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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