How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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