No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
