I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
