apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
