if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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