Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
