My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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