im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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