So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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