im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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