At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
