Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
