well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize