I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
