I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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