i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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