i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
time to smoke my breakfast
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
