So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We need to rekindle our bromance
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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