he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
