Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize