Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
