I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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