I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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