is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
