pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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