hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
