OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize