I just made out with a guy for $7.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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