WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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