I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
