The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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