apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm really busy with my period
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