i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
