hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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