fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
