oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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