i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
