Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
