How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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