I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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