that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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