We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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