just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize