Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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