Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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