my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
