hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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