Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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