i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
