Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
