Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize