happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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