i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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