i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
