How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize