there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
