the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Drunk is not a location!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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