His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
