i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize