I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
