Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
