You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
