Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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