I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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