when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
