Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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