You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Randomize
